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Funny Food Quotes

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Joe E. Lewis
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.

George Carlin
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To prepare for Thanksgiving, I've been eating increasingly larger turkey dinners at every meal for the last seven months.

Tim Siedell (tweet)
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The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Calvin Trillin
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A tip for those who don't like to cook for Thanksgiving: Send a turkey to Boca a few days before so it comes back with a crispy, golden tan.

Joan Rivers (tweet)
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Texas: 32 electoral votes, another of the so-called big enchiladas or if not an enchilada at least a huge taco.

Dan Rather
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Top Ten Signs You Had A Bad Thanksgiving:

10. You ran out of booze by 11 a.m.
9. Most frequently used word at dinner: Heimlich
8. Meal was leftovers from last Thanksgiving
7. Thanks to new electric knife, kids fought over wishbone and your severed thumb
6. The 'turkey' was wearing a dog collar
5. Spent day in Times Square waiting for the giant turkey to drop
4. Woke up from tryptophan-induced sleep to find yourself naked in the driveway
3. When dinner came out, so did your son
2. Laura and the twins lock you out
1. Your turkey dinner was the only breast you've touched all year

David Letterman
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