I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, "Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.
Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.
The two biggest sellers in bookstores are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.
The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.