The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.
Thanksgiving is the only meal that you can toss bourbon into every dish you serve to make it better.
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed – like chickens, like turkeys like deer, like Canadian geese.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.