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Don't miss the funny Christmas quotes and these hilarious 'birthday quotes'.
Improve your Monday with these outrageous Monday quotes.
 
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Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare.

Ed Asner
short quotes   quotes about kids/childhood   family quotes  
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I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

David Lee Roth
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Groucho Marx
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield
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Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Benjamin Franklin
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This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher.

Albert Einstein (on filing for tax returns)
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The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

Joe E. Lewis
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